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My Frustration !!

Lately, more often than not, I have been on my threshold. It needs only a small spark to ignite my anger !! My frustration has crossed it limits and Patience that I thought I had in abundance ,till some time back, is the most scarce quality within me at present.

Till sometime back, I used to think and repent on my state, for I did not understand why I was behaving the way I am. But now, I realize that although, my threshold has been considerably reduced, my anger does not arise without any reason. Many at times it is simply because of the obvious questions that have been put across to me. Agree, they may be only a general enquiry, a very normal one for that matter, but is it required?? The formality ??

Also, its the deceit, I hate to use this word but I have to, that I find in some people. The mockery that they are making of me, may be involuntarily, but yes they are, which gets on my nerves. Why do some people have tendency to reduce the other to a mere ridicule. I am bound to explode, especially if the ridicule is directed towards me.

Some people may need to realise, that they may be smart, but that does not mean that the other is an imbecile and cannot think, or rather has no right to think!!

 

PS : I may be overly critical, paranoid and negatively imaginative, but thats the only thing I am feeling right now !!

Into the Wild

I just saw the movie, ‘Into the Wild’.

I would say its an amazing movie, a notch above The Motorcyle Diaries. It explores those question, that I have asked myself many times and have been afraid to answer.  The sense of false security, of having a career, of relying on money and calling it your Future. Many at times I have felt and argued with myself that there has to be more to life than this, than going to work, following a routine.

When I think myself and relate it to the environment, I see and feel that I haven’t given anything back. That I have not made a difference to anyone, that my being present in this earth could so easily be replaced with the presence of anyone else. That there is no reason for anyone to remember me, who does not have a relation with me. I am just another soul in the crowd without having any consequence onto anyone and anything.

On my journey to and fro from work, I spent thinking that I should go out and do something. What, I don’t know. And the real frustration is, I can’t seem to find the answer, and yet I have been asking this for sometime. I sometimes think, until I got my job, I had a goal. And to reach that goal, I had, subconsciously been making milestones and reaching them. Now that I have reached that goal, and don’t seem to know where next to go. What is the next step I should take, what is the thing that interests me, what is it that I am passionate about, I don’t know. I no longer seem to understand the aim of my life anymore.

Lot of questions,  I know. Those who know me, know that I ask a lot of questions.  I term it as my curiosity. But not finding the answers of those questions, I term as my insecurity, as my confusion. I think I should also go out into the wild, in search of new experiences !!

Traffic ??

I am writing this, sitting in my room at night 2248 Hrs. Sitting atleast 200m from the two main roads, and I can hear the honking of the Cars and Buses here !! And this is the precise reason why I am writing this !!

Lead India…a TOI initiative !!

I have been seeing a lot of advertisements about the Lead India programme initiated by Times Of India (TOI) , a leading English Daily in the Country. I am not sure what it is, but as far as I understand, it is about finding a person who can LEAD the country and bring it out of its problem !!

I say a novel initiative !!

But Again, I saw a Hoarding on a major road, saying something like this

“Love Bangalore , Vote for XY”

(I don’t remember who XY was, and again, I have no intention of advertising for him !!)

and this statement made me wonder, how loving Bangalore is only associated with Mr. XY and not the other participants. I realised that Mr. XY is from Bangalore and hence the statement, ‘LOVE BANGALORE’

Well the question I ask is

Are they trying to find the problems of our country by promoting regionalism ?? Why have they not advertised based on his merits, but rather from the city to which he belongs. Do they TOI people expect that anyone from Bangalore is a better Leader than the rest ?? Or they feel a Bangalorian can bring the Country out of any problems that the Country is facing ??

I think, if the person is worth his salt, if he really believes in solving the problems of our Country, he would know that he won’t achieve anything by promoting regionalism or any kind of bias for that matter. And if I were that person, I would request TOI to take down those hoardings !!

I think the voting should totally based on merit !! Same goes for all other TV shows that encourage the viewer to vote for them on the basis of the state they belong to !! The Media should play an active role in uniting the country rather than dismantling it further based on region, caste , language or religion. I think the Media needs to pay more attention on the kind of message they are sending !!

Merit or Regionalism …what should be the basis !!

–Update — 25th Jan 2008–

 

Lead India - 1

Lead India - 2

Special Thanks to my good friend Ravi Sinha, who had taken the snap at night 11:30 for me and also to Chindanoor, who took the snap in evening. Thanks Guys !!

 

–Update — 29th Jan 2008–

 Well it seems like, the hoarding are not put up by The Times of India or The Times Group.

It is placed by ‘Friends of R K’. This is mentioned at the bottom-right corner of the hoarding.

Well for all those ‘Friends of R K’, your gesture of friendship will be the precise reason why I won’t vote for him, not that I was going to !!

Idiot - Fyodor Dostoevsky !!

I just completed, Idiot - by Dostoevsky !!

By the end of it, I am actually at my wits end, with the climax he has given to it. I did not expect an ending anything close to what it is now. It could be  my shallowness, but no where I was expecting something like what I read. And I did not grasp it until it was specifically written.

 And actually, I am at loss of words or rather lack of an expression altogether. I don’t think it has actually sunk in as I was moving in my own dreams with the novel.

The novel has expressed some very interesting and thought provoking aspects of human nature, of the society we dwell in and of notions that we so often think about. But the description at times is more than what is required, to an extend that you need to take a break and come back with renewed freshness. But in the end, I have to say only that

Dostoevsky is a sick man, and still I have a great respect for him !!

For he is a man who has great insight in the human psychology, of human nature and their understanding. And that, though his novel had many of unique characters and unreal scenes, the story did not venture far off from reality.