But I cannot fail to highlight, that the immediate feeling I had when the conversation was over, was the feeling of great distance. The feeling that I have really lost ground and suddenly I am no longer as important as I thought I was…Suddenly I started to feel like the Legacy Character all over again…!!!

I hope I am wrong !!!

…there I just said it,

I am scared you will forget about me…!!

[Edge of Desire by John Mayer]

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I lay in my bed, and I have this feeling in my head. I can’t seem to define it…but it reminds me of some other time. As I then, sat in that chair, in the evening thinking…what next. That was 10 years ago, when I first left my home. When I first left the comfort of family. The kind of comfort which comes only from family.

Over the past 10 years, the ride has its fair share of ups and downs. Times when I knew I was reaching new heights…and then times when I knew I was exploring new bottoms. I have been fortunate know many people …and at the end, better able to understand myself… Also, over the course of these 10 years, I found a comfort of another kind. The comfort of my friends…and now, as I lay in the bed, the same thoughts come rushing back… of may be something … of asking … what next?

What has changed??

Well I have gone the single biggest of change in my lifestyle…since leaving home.

and two weeks into this lifestyle…I think I am liking it.

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HDFC Bank and ICICI Bank

When ICICI faced a run on its deposits, Aditya Puri, the MD at HDFC Bank, sent out an email to his people asking them not to poach or accept deposits from ICICI’s clients until the [current financial] crisis was over.

The idea is not to take unfair advantage over other. Although there could be other reasons also, but emphasis on ‘until the crisis was over’ is a clear indication. Win by strategy and methodology, on the principles you set and believe instead by a simple run of back luck on your competition. It is alright, capitalizing on one’s good fortune, but not if you try to capitalize on others’ bad luck.

This goes quite well with my belief, that to rise higher you need to pull yourself up, instead of stepping on the other and pushing it down.

To pull oneself up, you need to have a clear vision where you want to see yourself at a later point of time. And that cannot be dependent on your competitions outlook. For this implies that your goals are relative and fluctuate with the goals of your opponent. And in turn it implies that yourself does  not have clear understanding of your goals and only a relative understanding.

One must have its own benchmarks to succeed instead of having a relative. The idea should be to perform better from oneself and achieve a certain level of performance, instead of performing better than competition only.

The problem of setting the right benchmark for oneself, not being to harsh and not being too easy is equivalent to find a worthy adversary.

And besides, it save the trouble of gauging your performance as one external variable is removed, that being the performance of your competition.

A great competitor is not the one who wins, but the one who opens all his cards and still wins. For simply, he is a better executor of his plans, and has enough belief in himself and his plans (being foolproof and thoroughly thought out).

(This is contrary to what Apple does, and hence again, why Apple is overrated)

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The last time I lived my nightmare was way back in 2007. The, then current anti-virus I was using (Symantec Norton Anti-Virus) was shown the door immediately and McAfee was brought in. This was inspite the fact that I still had subscription time left on Norton.

I am not particularly satisfied by McAfee either. The affect it has on the performance of the computer is amazing. And another person I know, recently suffered a horrible time with a Virus attack,  which the McAfee was not able to stop, coupled by the Hardware problems and the weird restrictions she had set about, it was not easy for her.

For me, McAfee is hanging on a very thin thread.

The Web of the World Wide is littered around with the latest screw up by McAfee.

The release of the McAfee 5958 Dat file affected the Windows XP SP3 addition. The slight difference in the behaviour of my laptop prompted me to do an on-demand virus scan immediately, which instead of solving the problem, had done more damage.

Post the sleepless night and mental preparation on the next step (Re-install the OS), I stumbled on the TGDaily article. Thanks to my time wasting habit I was able to save my data and solve the problem. Thank You TGDaily!!

It took me a good time to actually solve the problem. From the in numerous solutions around the net, I found none were as straight forward, and on a personal belief, not many would have been able to solve the issue easily. But thankfully, the issue is solved.

Alas, fixing this problem has forced me to think back on having a contingency plan for the Virus Attack. Although I have segregated most of my data, I need to find a really secure place to store stuff for the real important data of mine.

As they say, you are only as Strong as your Weakest link !!

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What happens to time…it never pauses. It takes along with it which wants to move. Swimming against the current will not make you go back, but increase the pain of the journey in the only direction which is possible.  Where does it leave me… I keep repeating this again and again. I realize nothing is Real…

Time together isn’t ever quite enough
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we’re apart, whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?
All the time, all the time

[The SaltWater Room - Owl City]

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The crowd fall in two orderly lines. One walking fast …and the other faster.

As I fall in the faster lane… I keep my eyes on the back of the person in front of me. I do not look at the ground, for I know there is nothing on which I can stumble on. There is nothing to look ahead of, for I know most of the people are going to the same place.

There is a gap in the file…some people ahead. He runs to fill in…may be he is in a hurry…or may be he does not want to be the cause of inconvenience to the people behind him…since he is in the faster lane….!!

The gap is moving backwards, the person directly ahead is not in so much a hurry to warrant a small jog to fill the gap (and there by passing the gap to me). He looks to his left,  and over his shoulder. And then he changes his lane to the slower one. I have the gap in front of me… yet there is none on the slower side. I walk even faster. Moving ahead of people walking on my left. Until I reach a small gap on my left.

I look over my shoulder…to see that people are directly behind me…I see to my left, there is a gap. Then like a car, I move to the slower lane. Passing the gap to the person behind me…who immediately runs and fills it up. Yes, he looks like he is in a hurry.  I need not bother. I have another back to follow, another footsteps to keep track off. The wind is blowing on my left cheek. There is no gap to fill….

I walk my walk to office… and the order around me is Maddening !!

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Unfeasible, unimaginable and unthinkable; yet this is what is running in my head.

Is this what Trance is?? Is is this what Hallucination is?? Was it the wine, the company or the both?? Being comfortable was what the state was, to an extend that there was no thought.

Funny, it took me until the next day, to realize the state I was in!! Comfortably Numb !!

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A War, would have been a driving of point, of raising oneself, of showcasing the fact that no one infringes on over sovereignty. That we can deal with people who are trying to push us down, in the worst possible ways. It would have been the right response, under the right circumstances.

Some might argue the government chose an easier and probably a weaker option, and for once we should have put the record straight.

The circumstances were not right, again my view.

Today, I have been reading/surfing a lot about the recently concluded(??) Copenhagen talks. I read the speeches of Hugo Chavez and a lot about Evo Morales. About the non-binding agreement, which was taken note of, about how Seychelles will be environmentally neutral by 2020 and about how Tuvalu has fulfilled its obligations.

And I could not help but question myself about the choices which the government faces. To continue the development and try to prosper, try to eradicate poverty and … if not any of this… then to actually make the politicians richer…or to…sacrifice the today, so that our next generations will have a better (and may be livable) future??  To sacrifice some portion of our growth for climatic conditions.

I came across the below statement by the minister and ended up questioning myself about how are we defining success. Whether to strike out a deal, or actually not striking out a deal was the objective?? Whether we were looking for a binding agreement, something to which countries are accountable or we were just there, to make the headcount??

Ramesh said: “The accord does not speak of a specific peaking year – another area of success.”

I don’t know how I should react to the above statement made by the minister.

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could I have in my prime?
inconclusive thoughts
trouble of sorts
pointless questions
and struggled answers

incomprehensible phrases
and the mind races…
destination unknown
words galore…
the charm that allures
against might of world as a whole
its me who is alone

is it a dream
or am I at the brim
what lies beneath
of which I lay underneath
strange question
funny answers
is it me
or only my thoughts
which are free??

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